


Echoey

by BlueWingedAngel



Category: Dark Matter (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Crack, F/F, Fluff, Funny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-13
Updated: 2016-10-13
Packaged: 2018-08-22 05:51:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8275126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueWingedAngel/pseuds/BlueWingedAngel
Summary: Someone is making Two scream with pleasure and the noise is echoing through the vents. All Six can think about is Five, his Small Child, having to listen to that - but who is causing it?(Cracky comedy fun where nothing bad happens. There's a pairing involved (f/f!) but I'm not going to spoil who is making Two scream, and there's some Two/Three, Two/One, Five/Four and Five/Two inclusion...)





	

The Rasa, as had been stated several times, was a small ship. The walls weren’t so much thin (they were thick bulkheads, actually) as echoey. If you made a sound one end of the ship, you pretty much knew it would be heard at the other end.

This had been proven a few times. Notably: sex noises. 

Specifically: Two’s moaning. Three’s grunting. One’s whining. 

Six was pretty fed up of it. 

It wasn’t that Six was chaste or asexual or unable to _get any_ , it was more than Six felt it was inappropriate. Two and One and Three could do whatever they wanted with their bodies, they had the right to their own sexuality, but there were _other_ people on the ship. 

There was a _kid_ on the ship. 

Five was on the ship. That was who he was concerned about. Five. 

She’d seemed young ever since that first day when he’d met her. He’d felt the light weight of her jacket in his hands, how tiny it was compared to his own, and that had cemented her in his mind as the kid of the crew. A child. 

She was sixteen at the oldest, he was sure of that, even if he had no proof, and she just seemed so damn _young_ and _innocent_. It just wasn’t appropriate for her to have to hear all this. 

Which was why Six was as close to rage as he ever got as he stomped (walked heavily) into the mess hall. 

There was One, sipping a cup of something and looking far more sour than Six had ever seen him. Ah. 

So that meant that the person currently making Two scream her lungs out in pleasure... was Three. 

It figured, really. Three wouldn’t have the good sense or moral calibre to not bring Two to screaming orgasms in the aural presence of a kid. Six could kill him. He _might_ kill him. There was no way that Five deserved to be put through listening to this. No way. 

Six met One’s eyes across the table. One pursed his lips and put his cup down. “It’s not appropriate,” Six said flatly. 

One eyed him. “I’m not the one in there with her,” he said. “We at least kept the noise down.” 

“Yeah, well, you can’t expect Three to have any level of decorum,” Six said irritably as he sat down himself. He wasn’t going to barge in there and demand they stop, but he _was_ going to give them a stern talking to when they were done. After they’d showered. 

“It’s not like he’s the one being loud,” One pointed out. 

“Who’s not being loud?” a voice said and both their heads whipped around, eyes widening at the sight of Three walking into the room. 

The moaning and crying out continued to echo through the vents. 

“What are you doing here?” Six said. One’s jaw was slack. 

“I was looking for dinner,” Three said like it was obvious. When One continued to stare and Six’s eyes got wider, Three said, “What?” 

“We thought you were in there with her,” One said, finding his voice. 

Three paused. “I thought it was one of you,” he said in confusion. He looked between the two of them for a moment and then—“Son of a bitch.” 

Six blinked twice. 

“What?” One said. 

Three dropped down into his chair and glared. “That sword-wielding bastard.” 

Six made a choking noise. “Four?!” He paused. It was the only option. If he, One and Three were here and Two was making noises like that... “Shit.” 

One blinked a few times. “I didn’t think he had it in him.” 

“I didn’t think she had it in _her_ ,” Three said. He paused and looked over at One. “When you two—Did she—” 

“No.” One buried his nose in his mug, then paused and looked over at Three. “When you two—” 

“I was _good_ ,” Three insisted quickly. “...but no.” 

They both looked over at Six, who raised his hands. “Don’t look at me, I haven’t gone down that particular road. I don’t like to have loud sex around children.” 

“So _that’s_ what’s got your jaw all set and your eyes all glowery,” Three said, pointing his finger at Six. “You think she’s being inappropriate.” 

“I think you’re all inappropriate,” Six said. He lowered his voice, not wanting the child in question to overhear. “Five is just a kid. She doesn’t need to be listening to this pornography.” 

“Hate to break it to you,” Three said, “but the kid’s probably heard worse.” 

Six’s stomach turned at the thought of all the things Five might have heard in her life, but before he could tell Three to shut up, or distract himself with stealing One’s drink, Three continued with, “You’re right though, Kid shouldn’t have to hear this.” When Six looked at him questioningly, Three shrugged a bit. “We all know the kid’s got a crush, y’know.” When Six felt even more bemused, Three said with a huff, “Honestly I thought they were a thing, but yeah, she likes Four.” 

Six felt the blood leave his face. Poor Five. Three was right, she shouldn’t have to listen to the subject of her desires going at it with someone else, but before he could ask where she was and make a plan to find and comforted her, a calm voice enquired, “Who likes me?” 

Three heads snapped around. Four, the man not the number of heads, blinked back from the doorway. 

“B-B-But,” One stammered. 

“No one,” Three assured him. One muffled a noise in his cup. 

Four’s dark eyes cut between each seated member of the crew. Six could see the cogs whirling in his head: One, Three, Six and Four, himself. And— _Ding_. 

But he didn’t say a word. 

Instead he ambled over, pouring himself a drink, and it was up to Six to speak— 

“Did you just leave her in bed?” One blurted. 

Three groaned. Six blinked, again. 

Four looked around. “Excuse me?” 

“Two,” One said. The noises had ceased, so maybe One had reached the right conclusion after all. “You were making her scream then you just... Came for a drink?” 

Four’s lips twitched, the tiniest bit. Six would call it a smile if he didn’t know better. “I was not with Two.” He turned his back to grab a protein bar. 

“But,” One said. 

The noises started up again, Two’s voice breaking as she cried out in pleasure. 

Three looked over at One. “You don’t think...” 

One stared at him. “Think what?” 

Three made a little half-shrug gesture, eyes wide and a smirk on his lips. 

Six knew what they were thinking. “Did she unlock some kind of extra programming for Android?” 

“If she did,” Three said, smirking, “I want some of that—Ow!” He glared at One, who scowled at him in return and put his foot back where it belonged under the table. 

“You are all ridiculous,” Four said, leaning against the wall and stirring his drink. 

“What?” Three squinted. “How are we ridiculous?” 

“In case you didn’t notice,” One said, “all the men of the Rasa are _in here_. With you. While she’s—” He gestured at the vents weakly. “—doing _that_.” 

“Yes,” Four said, and now he was _definitely_ smirking. Six wasn’t sure he wanted in on the joke. “I noticed.” 

“Which leaves Android!” Three said. 

“It does,” Four agreed, “but it also leaves another member of our crew missing from this table, and I walked past Android on the bridge as I came here.” 

Had Six been holding anything, it would have clattered from his hand. Instead he made a sharp little noise, reminiscent of a puppy being strangled by a piano wire, and paled. 

“We have a stowaway?” One said in horror. 

“Wow,” Three said, but Six could see on his face that he’d arrived at the same realisation, that same one which Four clearly felt had been obvious since he’d walked in. 

“I don’t want to be the one to say it aloud,” Six said, “but—” He couldn’t— He _wouldn’t_ say it aloud, so he fell silent, taking a breath.

“Damn,” Three said, smirking into his own drink. “Kid’s got game.” 

One’s voice rose to an octave Six was unaware it could reach. “You think _Five’s_ doing that to her?” 

“Oh yes,” Four said, “she is the only one who is absent.” 

One fell silent, dumbstruck. Three tilted his head. “Seriously though, she’s had Two screaming for what, an hour now?” He looked around at Four. “She learn that from you?” 

Four’s face remained entire impassive. “She did not.” 

“Huh.” Three sipped his drink. “I wonder where she learned it.” 

“She told me she was a—” Six could barely bring himself to say it. “—virgin.” 

Three froze, cup between his lips, and looked at Six across it. “Are you telling me—” He lowered the cup, put it down. Six wondered if it was so he didn’t throw the contents across the room. He lowered his voice to a hiss and Two’s shuddering moans punctuated his words. “Are you telling me this is _natural talent?_ ” 

Six nodded once. Four let out a barking sound that he was pretty sure was a laugh. 

One got to his feet. “If anyone wants me, I’ll be spacing myself,” he said.  Three grabbed him by the belt and yanked him back down into his seat. 

“You suffer with us,” he said. 

One let out a tiny whimper and remained seated. 

No one spoke, although Four continued smirking a little the whole time they ate their dinner of protein bars and horror, which bugged Six in a way he couldn’t put his finger on. Android came in after a while and sat with them, confusion all over her face as to why they were silent, but she noticed Three’s glare and didn’t break their meditation on confusion. 

They were getting ready to return to their respective quarters when the door opened and Five wandered in, closely followed by Two. She had her fingers wrapped around Two’s, and they broke apart as soon as they saw the men and Android. 

Two eyed them suspiciously, then shrugged and went to find something to eat. Six noticed she wasn’t walking quite straight, then tried to forget. 

“Hey guys,” Five said, swinging her arms. “What’s up?” 

“Did you get that from someone’s memories?” Three asked, eyeing her. “Ow! Stop!” He glared at One who tried to hide behind one of his hands. 

Five blinked at them a few times. Six tried to make his entire body fit between the seat of his chair and the table. “Get what?” 

“That skill,” Three said, pulling a face. When Five continued to look bemused, he pointed up at the vent. “Noise travels, kid.” 

“Oh.” Five smiled with something akin to pride. “I just followed what seemed to work and then did it more.” She glanced over at Two, then back at the others, then shrugged and wandered off to join the other girl.

“ _HOW!_ ” Three demanded, slamming his fists down on the table. “ _How?_ ” 

Four raised an eyebrow, getting to his feet. “If you do not know,” he said, “I cannot teach you.” 

Three cut his eyes over to him. “Well _you_ weren’t the one making her scream and cry,” he pointed out. 

Four looked back at him. “This time,” he said, then drifted away. 

Three made a defeated noise and dropped his face down onto the table with a groan.

“I think he was joking,” One said. “I hope he was joking.” 

Six whimpered and slid further under the table. 

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone has Imzy and would like to join our Dark Matter group, here it is: https://www.imzy.com/dark_matter If you don't have Imzy but would still like to join, send me a message with your email address and I'll send you an invite :D Imzy is pretty fun.


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